Sometimes I used to get in a mood and demand of my husband to tell me what I should do about a particular work problem or changes I should make to improve my personality. This happened when I felt stressed with work or frustrated with my writing and business. I was reading through old journals recently and was struck by how often this used to come up. Last night I was skimming through my planner and saw a quote I had taped in there:

Only You Can Be the Expert on Your Life

“A person who is alive is constantly getting lost. The big thing…is to realize that this is your own adventure, and that all the field guides and oracles and shamans…holding up the mirrors can only flash you a glimpse of your own story. It’s yours to savor. It belongs to no one else.”
-The Thief of Happiness: The Story of an Extraordinary Psychotherapy by Bonnie Friedman

This is so true! In a marriage sometimes it is so easy to think in ‘we’ terms. But even within a marriage we are still individual people in charge of our own lives and destiny. Brian’s silence and puzzled expressions when I demanded solutions from him regarding what should I do with this, what should I do about that used to make me angry. Now I am glad he chose to express to me that I have to make my own decisions regarding work, writing, my life. I doubt I would have undergone the level of growth I’ve experienced in the past 11 years without his encouragement in this.

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