Resist Feeling Jealous of Your Mother-In-Law’s Closeness To Your Kids
Question I got via email:
My mother-in-law does a special birthday for my kids at her house even though we throw them a birthday party at our house. Isn’t this rude, isn’t she overstepping her bounds? How do I politely tell her to stop?
My MIL does this, and it used to be on my silly long list of grievances against her until I got over myself. She just does a cake for the kids at her house and small birthday dinner.
I used to get all worked up about it until I got that my kids truly were touched by the special attention and they liked having the huge party at home and then the small party at grandma’s house. She just makes them their favorite dinner and gets an ice cream cake and they just chill at her house for an evening. Parties at home are a big, wild, large affair, we have a big back yard so I let them invite as many kids as they want. They love these parties too, they just get really really excited and it can be overwhelming and intense to have so many friends over running and jumping about. And there’s never any cake left over, whereas with a grandma party they have lots of cake left over and they like sharing it out with us the rest of the week.
I used to resent the special things my MIL did for and with my kids because on some level I thought she wanted to take them from me or usurp my place as their mother. But I realized that she just loves our kids so very much, and part of being a grandparent is that you get to spoil your grandkids in ways you couldn’t with your own children. So I try not to feel threatened by her closeness to my kids. They all love her so much and their lives have been enriched by having her for a grandma.
Let your mother-in-law do a birthday party for your kids. It won’t hurt them and they will treasure those memories forever. You won’t regret not standing in the way of their grandparent/grandchild relationship.
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This blog post written by Trula. Thanks for visiting Brian and Trula!
Jul 2nd, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Totally agree, if she loves her grandchildren let them, it is her special time with them. And the husband and wife could spend quality time together.
Jul 5th, 2008 at 8:34 am
exactly, it is a great way to get some alone time with your husband
Jul 5th, 2008 at 8:50 am
i agree with the entire post, ESPECIALLY if they mother-in-law is accepting of grandchildren that are not hers biologically (alot of folk do NOT do that you know).
when things aren’t broken, don’t fix them, is my motto. children who have grandparents that want to do for them are blessed, and parents need to recognize it for what it is, as it does not come by every day.
my husband’s mother is never in touch with us, and his father died earlier this year, so my children missed out on their grandparents from his side. my mom and dad spend time with the children, and i am happy to say that they are just as accepting of our children that aren’t MINE biologically as they are of the three that are.
that is a blessing this day and age in a world full of selfishness and self-centeredness.
i DO remember, however, when oldest two girls were babies (under a year), it irked me to no end that their grandmother always wanted to take them and spend time, and it took me a long time to accept that. i used to be so angry. but i was also 23 years old, and basically just growing into an adult. now…one more child later, way more mature, a full plate, and exhausted, i BEG their grandmother to take them! and she does–including the smallest baby, which is not her grandchild, biologically or not. but she doesn’t mind at all–all of her grandchildren’s sisters and brothers are welcome into the home, whether they are her grandchildren biologically or not!
so i recognize blessings when i see them
Jul 17th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I really enjoy your blog. I constantly try to come by here. I have a request. Can you do a blog about hair, and going natural? How did your husband feel about it etc. He might not have had any feelings at all. I recently made the decision to go natural. I would just like your imput about it.
Jul 18th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Hi Kolbyirish! I had natural hair when my husband met me. he has always liked my hair. I’m not going to do any hair topics here but I do have a hair blog: Dread Mama
Jul 18th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Hi honeyindigo! you made a good point, and that is so true. My mother-in-law has been wonderful to my 2 older kids, who are not my husband’s biologically. I also know people whose parents do not accept their grandchildren by marriage…it really is such a shame.
Jul 18th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Kolbyirish, on second thought I think I will do a post on it, check back in a day or so
Jul 21st, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Hahahahaha…Ok.LOL!
Jul 24th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I absolutely agree. My parents have been gone for over 5 years and Marc’s parents have been gone longer..and there are alot of things that I would be more relaxed about given the chance again.