My parents celebrate their 41st marriage anniversary this year. Someone mentioned to me that I must be so proud, to which I replied nah, not really. It’s their marriage, not mine. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, as I suspect for many years they stayed together to ‘prove everyone wrong’…in addition to the age difference, my mom is my dad’s 5th wife, and he had grown and near grown children and small children, who my mother subsequently raised (imagine entering a marriage taking on 7 kids, then having 4 of your own), and he had an extended family that was basically, well, to put it nicely, interesting. My mother came with her own baggage as well, though much of it was hidden and not as obvious and in-your-face as my dad’s. Hers included a massive father complex (her own father basically vanished when her parents divorced when she was a small child) among other things.

Still, they are in a good place now, and it has been neat for me to see them fall back in love repeatedly over the years. And my mother has finally ‘grown up’ in the relationship; she speaks up for herself and doesn’t let my dad boss her around anymore. I like how he treats her now, he is very appreciative of who she is as a woman, as a person. ‘course the cynical side of me thinks well now he is in his mid-80s and starting to become elderly (though he is still a quite fit and dashing man) so he needs her to take care of him, but I truly thinks it’s the mellowing of years and the gradual and deep aging of their love. He truly loves her, and she truly loves him. It’s a beautiful thing to see and be a product of.

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