Brian & Trula » Trula

Brian with Doobie Dog

Trula — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:54:31 +0000

Brian with our new puppy Doobie, just relaxing.

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Top Ten Marriage Tips #10

Trula — Fri, 21 May 2010 14:09:40 +0000

A friend asked me what would my top ten marriage tips for hippy DIY culture couples trying to live an ethical, spirtual, down to earth life be. This includes couples with children! and while living in a materialistic world. When I started thinking about it, I realized this was not going to be a short list because there is so much I want to say about all of them! So I will break them down. My tips really are all equally important, and basically apply to all types of couples/marriages, but since this is a top ten list I’ll number and order them. Starting from the bottom, my number ten tip is:

#10. Treat & respect your spouse as you would a friend.
Brian and I started out as friends. We knew each other and hung out socially together for quite some time, eventually becoming very great friends. We didn’t begin dating until we had been friends for about a year and a half. I would say that having that foundation of friendship has truly been a strength in our marriage. Now I realize that many couples do not start out as friends, they start out dating. Even in relationships such as mine, once the relationship becomes romantic and sexual that changes the dynamic of the relationship. Both physical and emotional intimacy has a way of lowering boundaries in how we relate to another person. You may become so comfortable with your spouse that you feel you can say or do anything. Contrast this with how you treat your friends. You don’t just say anything to them, you take into account their feelings. Right?

Sometimes with our spouses we forget this, and talk and/or treat them in a disrespectful manner. This includes being uncommunicative, surly, even grumpy and rude in the morning. I say to you, if you growl at your spouse in the morning and then go out into the world and speak pleasantly to your friends, co-workers, even total strangers, then you’ve got it backwards. Your spouse deserves your cordial, respectful treatment before others. Ideally you’d treat everyone with respect but if you’ve only got one smile in you that day give it to the person who loves you and has comitted to you for life. You do it for your friends, so do it for your spouse.

This helps with kids because not only does it help create a more happy and harmonious household, but shows them how to value and prioritize a partner. next tip: Mutual Ethics & Values

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On My Parents’ Marriage

Trula — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:55:12 +0000

My parents celebrate their 41st marriage anniversary this year. Someone mentioned to me that I must be so proud, to which I replied nah, not really. It’s their marriage, not mine. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, as I suspect for many years they stayed together to ‘prove everyone wrong’…in addition to the age difference, my mom is my dad’s 5th wife, and he had grown and near grown children and small children, who my mother subsequently raised (imagine entering a marriage taking on 7 kids, then having 4 of your own), and he had an extended family that was basically, well, to put it nicely, interesting. My mother came with her own baggage as well, though much of it was hidden and not as obvious and in-your-face as my dad’s. Hers included a massive father complex (her own father basically vanished when her parents divorced when she was a small child) among other things.

Still, they are in a good place now, and it has been neat for me to see them fall back in love repeatedly over the years. And my mother has finally ‘grown up’ in the relationship; she speaks up for herself and doesn’t let my dad boss her around anymore. I like how he treats her now, he is very appreciative of who she is as a woman, as a person. ‘course the cynical side of me thinks well now he is in his mid-80s and starting to become elderly (though he is still a quite fit and dashing man) so he needs her to take care of him, but I truly thinks it’s the mellowing of years and the gradual and deep aging of their love. He truly loves her, and she truly loves him. It’s a beautiful thing to see and be a product of.

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Krohn Conservatory

Trula — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 13:12:58 +0000

We went to Cincinnati to visit my folks this past Christmas. While we were in town we visited Krohn Conservatory. This is a wonderful place that I have fond memories of visiting as a child. It had a huge influence on me, and is a big part of why I like plants so much.
www.cincinnatiparks.com/krohn-conservatory/index.shtml

more pics from the visit

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Through Thick & Thin

Trula — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:02:30 +0000

We have had a really rough year. Not so much our marriage, but by things that happened to us, including a miscarriage I suffered in September, a mental breakdown I had earlier in the year, the flu that we both had and also the kids got, and most recently our son Todd was hospitalized for a sudden lump that appeared in his neck that turned out to be an infected lymph node. Through all this I have been struck by my husband’s strength and resilience. He has been my rock, ever steady and strong. Even when he himself was sick with the flu, he was focused on making sure everyone else was ok. When Todd was in the hospital he took off work multiple days to stay with him, and helped calm me down from getting hysterical and distraught that my baby had to go to the hospital.

He has been very patient and kind about my mental health issues, and throughout the nightmare of my miscarriage he did everything he could to console and comfort me. He listened to me pour out my heart and soul about what I was feeling; my grief and despair. I do not know how or why I have been given the gift of this man, but I am thankful. Brian’s empathy and compassion has been a balm and solace to me this year.

We started out friends, and it is great to know he is still a friend to my heart. Brian deeply loves me, and I carry his love with me where ever I go. I love him so.

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